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August 22, 1999
If you thought that the last edition of the Power Rankings reeked, well look out, 'cause here's more of the same.
Following in the new tradition of rotating contributors (that means they sit and rotate!) we present Mr. Dressup from the Ping Tung Lizards.
The following NSHL Power Rankings has our Guest Ranker Mr. Dressup, who happens to be the Official Statistician for the Lizards, consider the league's current results after the first ten games of NSHL7. This has been combined with the previous preseason expectations to create a noxious mixture that should leave everyone, who isn't higher than the next GM, jealous! But then, if this is the case, why aren't the Foo ranked number one?
But keep working, there'll always be another edition!
And just like that old joke, you may not like these rankings, but at least we give you big portions!
Missed a previous issue of the Power Rankings? Tant pis mon ami. That's French for click here.
| TEAM | PVS | RECORD | NSHL.com SAYS |
| 1. Traders | 2. | 10-9-1 | Traders dread trades as tension takes
toll, but no traitors on this team. Lizards 22 Goal NSHL Single Game scoring record on the line with this powerhouse! McCauley on 175 point pace! |
| 2. Psychosis | 13. | 5-1-4 | Wacky as it sounds, only one loss (a
botched lobotomy) has Psycho's beating (well, not losing) to almost everyone in the league. Turn-around season based on Easton Press' "The GM's Guide to Fine Salvages". |
| 3. Infantry | 8. | 8-1-1 | Easy opening schedule has Minutemen
shooting anything but blanks! Buddha help them should shut-out specialist Mike Dunham suffer a season ending injury! 31% PP is #1 in NSHL! 88% PK is #1 in NSHL! |
| 4. Blades | 14. | 5-2-3 | Oakville is Pleasantville lately for
Blades fans. High draft picks & patience starting to pay off! Can it last? (hint: look for another good rookie to join team, as 13% PP starts affecting results) |
| 5. Scorpions | 17. | 5-3-2 | High numbers in Shooting % had these
upstarts stinging unsuspecting opponents. As those numbers level off, so should The Scorpions. Specialty teams are playing a major role too. |
| 6. Muffs | 1. | 6-2-2 | Ranked here for underachieving, Muffs
slow start caused by no one feeling safe, as management cleans house in view of the future. Who's next, they're all wondering? Still, 3rd highest G.F. keeps wins coming. |
| 7. Thistles | 10. | 5-3-2 | Recent trades (what's new?) has best one
line team becoming good two line team. Will they stop there? Thistles history at the bargaining table suggests not! Colorado Nordiques seeming not so important any more... |
| 8. Lizards | 9. | 5-4-1 | Still above .500 as they rest 3 Star
starters... what can they do with everyone playing? Difficulty under new coach slows start, but lots of potential waiting to have reins loosened! |
| 9. Spirit | 3. | 7-0-3 | Time will reveal the smoke and mirrors
associated with this seance! In the meantime, The Ghouls are spending little time apologizing for fast start! Specialty teams horrible considering lineup! |
| 10. Stompers | 5. | 5-4-1 | Weak opponents in Nystrom Div. leave this
team with no drive to try harder. Thistles want to change that - can perennial 1st place be lost this season? |
| 11. Stranglers | 15. | 3-4-3 | Stung-out goaltender in a daze, calls it
a
"zone", and keeps on stopping the rubber! Without his heroics, is Cam Neely OR Bobby Orr's jobs safe? The future is now - still have yet to prove it! |
| 12. Foomanchu | 6. | 4-4-2 | A quiet .500 record has team in thick of
Semenko Div, runner's up race! 4th worst P.K. must worry Randy Rum, as Scott Stevens comes back to earth from MVP type playoff run. Yet to win a road game! |
| 13. Eagles | 7. | 4-4-2 | Flip a coin and it comes up either Eagles
or Foomanchu. Foo won, so Eagles ranked 13th! Less time debating GM's ethics and more on coaching might see improved performance from talented squad - might! Some nice streaks would help here. |
| 14. Ice Terrors | 23. | 3-3-4 | Surprise .500 club continues to seeks
respect, despite season ending streak, and fair start to NSHL7. Tougher Schultz Div. sees homeless seeking refuge anywhere they can. Current home ice: Humboldt. |
| 15. Loudmouths | 4. | 4-4-2 | Not much boasting being heard from this
team lately! Simple philosophy has simple results to season so far. Would love to see Mike Palmateer back in goal from retirement - so would we! |
| 16. Crunch | 12. | 4-6-0 | That's the sound of thin ice cracking, as
Chrispy's Neely Cup Winners start the season almost going under! Winning last 2 helped a lot - but lack of ties sees them out of pace with the rest of the NSHL. |
| 17 Fat Guys | 18. | 4-6-0 | Draw straws with The Crunch, and FatGuys
came up with the short one - which really hurts their look, actually! Identical story line see winning last 2 the only thing that's keeping them afloat in this review! |
| 18. Booze Hounds | 21. | 3-4-3 | Very poor start sees slow turn around not
enough to make playoffs - yet! Will the hangover keep the team from getting back into it? Management considers a training camp for next season instead of 3 week tailgate party! |
| 19. Useless Twits | 16. | 3-7-0 | Poor showings by other teams has a useless
team make the top 20. Scoring and defence are their only real weaknesses. Recycle project Felix Potvin hasn't paid dividends just yet, but remains to be seen. |
| 20. Blazers | 19. | 2-7-1 | Vancouver doing their best impersonation
of their NHL counterparts! Lacking any semblance of order, Coach Pat Quinn is looking at filling potential vacancy left by Wylie Coyote (Genius) when they both finally get the sack! |
| 21. Highlanders | 20. | 1-6-3 | This high a ranking is not what GM Easton
of The Lizards is hoping from this team, but Sundogs and Buzzards think otherwise. Yet to win at home, the Highlanders are hoping to take ANY road, high, low or ferry-ride outta town! |
| 22. SunDogs | 22. | 1-8-1 | The most disappointing team in the NSHL???
According to the last issue of Power Rankings, they're right on schedule! Recent trades should have team soon showing teeth for 1st time this season. |
| 23. Thieves | 11. | 2-5-3 | The most disappointing team in the NSHL???
According to Demi Moore's pre-season predictions, yes! Second highest Penalty Mins. per Game has these bungling would be outlaws locked away and awaiting execution! |
| 24. Buzzards | 24. | 0-8-2 | What can one say (would one want to say!)
Gambling on the future is one thing, but this is... ! Will the team ever win a game in NSHL7? We think so, but they may also break the futility record! |